I genuinely can’t tell you how disappointed I am to be writing this little article. Not because I’m annoyed that I’m not writing about some guy being racist on twitter or something, but instead because I really really really wanted Batman Vs. Superman to be good.
But, well, apparently it’s total sh*t– something that I hadn’t even contemplated when I saw the last trailer. It just looked cool.
Try telling that to these guys though…
David Edelstein of Vulture said it was godawful. Like immediately:
Its a shame that ‘Batman v Superman’ is also a storytelling disgrace. It has maybe six opening scenes and jumps so incessantly from subplot to subplot that a script doctor would diagnose a peculiarly modern infection: disjunctivitis. Said infection is the upshot of a sort of gene-splicing. For a studio to move beyond the franchise and tentpole stages to the vastly lucrative universe, a comic-book movie must at every turn gesture towards sequels and spinoffs, teasing out loose ends, cultivating irresolution. The movie wanders into so many irrelevant byways that it comes to seem abstract. Theres enough going on to keep you watching and, as I said, to keep fanboys wowed by the scale of the production and pretension. But most people will leave feeling drained and depressed, wondering how a studio can get away with withholding so much.
Along with this, a load of people were under the impression thatLex Luther (Jesse Eisenberg) was appalling. People likeEntertainment Weekly‘s Chris Nashawaty:
I get that this mano a supermano story line is a sacred text among comic-book aficionados, but ‘Dawn of Justice’ doesnt do the tale any favors. Its overstuffed, confusing, and seriously crippled by Eisenbergs over-the-top performance. As the megalomaniac tech mogul hell-bent on bringing our heroes to their knees, the actor is a grating cartoon of manic motormouth tics. He might as well be wearing a buzzing neon sign around his neck that says Crazy Villain.
TheHollywood Reporter basically say the same thing…:
The solemn, grandiose atmosphere is severely disrupted by Luthor, portrayed by Eisenberg as a privileged tech guru who makes the actor’s take on Mark Zuckerberg look like the epitome of style and manners. Loaded with vocal ticks and gushing with smarmy ripostes and threats, the character is loathsome without an ounce of insidious charm; if the legacy of the studio’s ‘Dark Knight’ films might have suggested anything, it should have been in the area of great villains, but here there is just a great vacuum.
Rob Harvilla at Deadspin‘s review is the hardest hitting one for me:
A clearly excited 7- or 8-year-old kid sitting in front of me busted out crying and had to be whisked out of the theater by his father within the first five minutes. Perhaps he was unnerved by the harsh, operatic violence of Bruce Waynes parents getting murdered…or maybe he was offended by the notion that a 2016 Batman movie felt it necessary to depict Bruce Waynes parents getting murdered. Either way, this kid bounced. (As an unsubtle metaphor for the aging target audience for comic-book movies, this is nonetheless way subtler than anything in the film itself.) I felt really terrible for that kid immediately, and was mildly envious of him two hours and 25 minutes later.
Vox’s Alex Abad-Santos claimed the film was a new low:
The few bright spots of 2013’s ‘Man of Steel’ Kevin Costner and Diane Lane’s humanizing portrayals of Pa and Ma Kent, Amy Adams’s Lois Lane, the initial awe of Superman taking flight are but a distant memory. In their place is a stink bucket of disappointment, a sad and unnecessary PG-13 orphan fight that director Zack Snyder believes is an homage to DC Comics’ most iconic heroes but is more along the lines of a home invasion perpetrated on comic book culture.
Jen Yamato at The Daily Beast wasn’t happy with the over-the-top fight scenes:
Its a trying and utterly deflating thing to spend hours watching two well-intentioned heroes fighting for no reason at all. The hollowness of Batman and Supermans actual beef effectively neuters everything thats interesting about juxtaposing these two heroes: Vigilante human v. godlike messiah, cool guy loner dude v. goofy four-eyes, confirmed bachelor v. dopey monogamist. The action veers from explosion-filled car chases on slicked down Gotham streets to bruising brawls in abandoned buildings, but any promise of deeper meaning dissolves the minute Batman and Superman start trading blows.
Andrew Barker at Variety saw the film as pretty shallow:
Juggling all of these strands while steadily beating the drum toward the battle promised in the title, Snyder sometimes loses track of his various allegories. Scripters Chris Terrio and David S. Goyer provide kernels of philosophical and theological quandaries throughout, while their nods toward contemporary political debates are more complex than the scattered visual gags (such as an anti-Superman protester waving an Aliens Are Un-American placard) might seem to imply. Yet the essential clash of ideologies promised by the central conflict vigilante justice vs. self-sacrificing restraint, night vs. day, Dionysus vs. Apollo never develops quite as forcefully as it should, and the life-or-death battle between the two icons ultimately comes down to a series of misunderstandings.
Andrew Pulver at The Guardian was probably the nicest about it, but he dealt a killer blow when he compared it to Marvel:
Moreover, the influence of director Christopher Nolans furrowed-brow Batman films which addressed their characters tortured backgrounds and unhappy responsibilities looms large, even if Nolan has drifted to executive producer credit on this film. Its tough to take all the hardcore emoting seriously, particularly as the emotional heavy lifting is designed to be done by the occasional maudlin line in brief pauses between the explosions. For a film so concerned with its characters inner lives, theres a fundamental disconnect going on here enough to make you yearn for the lighter touch of the Marvel films.
Well I’m going to go away and cry now.
Don’t get me wrong, for the most part, I don’t listen to critics – pretensionsnarcissists that know if they’re mean about something, they’ll get more press (and yes, I see the irony of critiquing on critics)… except Daisy – she’s good.
Anyway, we see this drama coming, and so we hired our resident comedian Richard Gadd to try and put something better together. This is the first of helloU’s superhero series. Take a look.