My parents marriage was the result of an ultimatum.
I guess you could take that statement to meanwas essentially the result of an ultimatum.
My parents had been together for two years, and my mom was driving my dad to the airport for a business trip when she asked him, Are we getting married or what?
He was a little taken aback. Um, Im about to go to Dubai for two weeks. Can we talk about this later?
Yeah, but if you dont know by the time youre back, this has to end. I cant keep doing this if its not going anywhere.
So my dad got back from his trip and proposed, and a few months later, they got married. And a fewlater, their lives became AWESOME because they were blessed with me. So things clearly worked out.
But the concept of ultimatums has always fascinated me. How many relationships exist only because one party was essentiallyto sacrifice something, whether it be singlehood, time with a friend or something else?
How often do ultimatums work out like it did for my parents? How often do they leave you single? I asked around, and seven brave people came forward with their best ultimatum stories:
He made her choose between him and her past.
I told her she could no longer hold me responsible for all the shit that happened to her before we even met. Things like keeping me close but not too close, thinking I would leave because everyone else always did, basically not really engaging in the relationship. So I woke up and laid it down one day, we were really close to not being together anymore but after a full day of talking and crying and thinking we decided to keep going and she would start putting in the effort. But that’s what it took for her to finally realize that I’m in it for the long haul even though we had already moved in together.
So it worked out, we’re getting married in 9 days.
He made her choose between putting in more of an effort and losing him.
I’ve given a couple you usually end up doing whatever is in the “or else” bucket anyway.
I had a gal that was suddenly dumped by an ex years ago. Hated it. Asked me to promise that if I were feeling like things were going south, I wouldn’t just get rid of her out of nowhere, I’d talk to her. Give her a last-chance talk or something. I said sure, I’d do that, not really thinking about it. I took it as some baggage talk and kind of moved on.
Later in our relationship, I really felt an imbalance of effort and consideration. She doesn’t feel well, I go and get us food, even if I’m not feeling well either. I pay for everything, do all the driving save for bringing her to my place. Do all the deciding. All the cooking, all the cleaning. She doesn’t even lift a finger. She and I have multiple talks about this over months. There’s always an excuse why she doesn’t or can’t do something. Last straw was when she just “didn’t do massages,” when I needed someone to lay some hands on my neck.
So we have a bigger discussion and she’s making the dumbest excuses imaginable and I basically say that I’m at the end of my rope. That if she’s not willing to contribute to this relationship or to me specifically, then maybe this isn’t for us. She got upset at me for giving her an ultimatum. Said she didn’t like them and they’re not fair.
So I broke up with her two weeks later.
She made him choose between telling his parents about her or losing her.
I didn’t give one, but my girlfriend did.
She was a really nice person, but I knew she wasn’t the kind of person I was excited to tell my parents about she was extremely overweight, very average looking, was homeless, had a job as a cashier, dropped out of community college before picking a major, and ditched her family to move to another city, even though she was still dependent on their support for some things. She also wasn’t the brightest bulb, and had a short fuse on some things.
I know it’s not the best thing to do, but I had plenty of reasons to be hesitant about telling my parents about her I didn’t have many positive things to say about her if I told people about her. So one day, she texts me and basically says, “if you don’t tell your parents about me, I will break up with you.”
I guess she realized I would have went through with it and broke up with her then and there, because two minutes later, before I had a chance to read the first message, she apologized profusely for overreacting and said she would wait until I was ready to tell my parents about her.
Her apology didn’t really help because later that month, I broke up with her anyway.
He made her choose between spending more time with him or losing him forever.
I told her she needed to give me SOME of her time. She could make time to hang out with her guy friends, but it had been two months since I had seen her. (yes, I feel silly for writing that out. It was semi-long-distance. She lived an hour away, but I had made it clear I had no problem making the drive to see her)
She said okay, made plans to hang out that weekend. She cancelled last minute. I broke up with her. Fuck her and the horse she rode in on.
She made him choose between marrying her or losing her.
He married me and made me miserable. I’ve never given the marry me or else ultimatum again. We divorced after 2 years.
She made him choose between a having threesome or her.
My ex said she wanted to have a threesome ONCE just to try and while we didn’t go along with it it did cause our break up.
She told me that she was going to do it with or without me. And she found a guy while I was back in my state who didn’t know wtf the word “boundaries” meant and put her hand on his small crotch over his pants.
Swear to fucking god if I was there I would have broke his dick.
So, sometimes they work out, sometimes they dont.
I guess I am a firm believer in the fact that if youre feeling like you need to give an ultimatum, your relationship probably isnt in great shape to begin with.
That being said, if you feel like its worth fighting for, then I say go for it!